Representing the Yay

Y'all thought that I was kidding yesterday, didn't you? Teach you to have doubts when the Empress makes a proclamation.

The receptionist at work is deeply into Facebook. Last week she came across this list -- a list of things that prove that one is from the Bay. There was much laughter involved. And the occasional, "Everyone doesn't do that? What?" So let's get onto the list -- with my commentary.

Gas prices are a dollar more than anywhere else in the country.

"We got purple.. we got graaaaapes!" We have the best damn weed in the country. Everyone knows it and anyone who doesn't live here is jealous. Might have to do with our close proximity to Humboldt. Also reminds me of Sunday night at my bar. Not that I smoke because me on drugs? Way scary thought for most folks.

Thizz is your term for E pills.

Broadway is not the plays and theater ... but the bars and stripclubs. Also the reason why when I used to hit the bars around there, guys used to ask which club I worked in. I can't help the way that I dance at times.


Stupid, Dumb, n Hyphy are your descriptive words for a party/club that you went to. Check out the video at the end of this post if you are unclear with these concepts.

Ghost ridin' your car and rollin' with your doors open is the cool shit to do. Nope. That's a cool way to kill yourself. And I think of the Dubs every time I hear "ghost ridin'."

Underage drinkin' starts at the age of 12. What else are you supposed to do when hanging on the pier at the Berkeley marina?>

You've laughed at the Bushman at Fisherman's Wharf.

You've paid money to the robot man dressed in all silver. The robot man is the sheezay.

You've seen Alcatraz from a distance ... but never go. Yep, never been there. That's a tourist thing to do. And one day some tourist will come to town who insists that we go there.

You know someone who runs in the Bay to Breakers every year ... usually naked. I'm not sure about naked but I do know some Hot Tamales.

You can't smoke in restaurants, clubs, bars, or 25 feet near a door of a business. Not sure about this one. Obviously the person has been hanging at the wrong places.

While going over the bridge you think to yourself, what if another earthquake happened right now? After seeing the post-Loma Prieta photos (I was outside of the area at the time.), I try my best not to think about this kind of stuff while crossing bridges.

You went to Club X/City Nights when you were 16 or 17. Ummm. Why would you go there when you were older?


When you hear "I got 5 on it", you yell "Oakland!"
(WHERE YOU FROM??? OAKLAND. SMOKIN')
First of all, you're not supposed to yell out? And if it is OK, what the hell else are you going to say? Because when I was at that firefighter party with Jade and the DJ played this song, everyone called out, "Oakland. Smokin'," at the right point in the song. I think it's the unofficial song for Oakland.

When you from Richmond you holla out, Yee!Yee! Not so sure about this one. Must be some new shit since I left Richmond.


You know exactly who: Mac Dre, Keak Da Sneak, Richie Rich, Spice 1, Turf Talk, The Team, Federation, Mistah FAB, E-40 are... Doesn't everyone? And I've gotta thank my former students in east Oakland for teaching me what "ripper" and "runner" mean. Hint -- they're synonyms.

You've called into Wild 94.9 sayin "St. John you so fierce!" I listen to him regularly but I refuse to say those words -- unless the prize is primo.

You listen to Wild 94.9, 106.1 KMEL, or Live 105 everyday. First three preset buttons on the my car radio.

You actually know a bum or crackhead by face or name. You mean that you're not supposed to?

You've been to a Giants game and seen the Rally Pumpkin.

You've been to an A's Wednesday $1 night. I probably have been but I don't like the cheap seats. I need to be on the third base line.

You've tailgated at the coliseum. Gotta say "no" to this. Raider Nation? Scares the crap out of me -- and there isn't much that scares me.

Ridin' the yellow bus...is not actually ridin' the yellow bus. Well, duh.

You've seen or been to the Chinese New Year Parade. Yep.

You know someone who is a DJ, or tryin' to become a rap artist. And?

There are many white kids in the high-class suburban areas thinkin' they are from Oakland. And then they get their asses kicked.

You get charged an arm and a leg to go across a damn bridge. Hell yeah. I remember the days when you could give the toll person a roll of pennies and roll on.


You own a pair of stunnas. I did. Then they broke. I need to head out to get another pair. Can't lean properly in the car without them.


You know the words to "California Love." You mean that there are people who don't? Oh, and I've always thought that the sign near the beginning of the video was missing a word. It should read, "Welcome to Oakland biotches."

You've been to a concert/rave at the Shoreline. Why would I go to a concert at that toxic waste dump? Obviously a young 'un wrote the list. Someone older? Would have definitely said Day on the Green.

You or a friend have Gas, Break, Dipped in front of a club. Doesn't everyone?

You've gigged on the dance floor.

"YADDYAMEAN" or "SHABOOBALABOOPY" comes out of your mouth at least once a day. Not sure about the second but hell yeah I do the first.

You've been to the Cow Palace for some event. My mother would not allow me to go there. Something about drugs and violence. Whatever.

You know exactly where Pier 39 is. Of course I do. Gotta avoid the tourists.

You got a piercing or tattoo on Telegraph. Check. Need to go back for the tattoo though. Not sure if I'll hit Zebra for the ink. They do a fan-fucking-tastic job with piercings though.

You are still confused why Cal State Hayward changed to Cal State East Bay. It's still Cal State Hayward in my mind.

You know "Goin' Dumb" is a dance ... not an insult to your intelligence. Once more -- duh.

You always represent your area code. Shout out to the 5-1-0. Oh, and hell. Shout out to the 7-0-7. Area code of Vallejo. Home of E-40. Birthplace of my "real parents."

You say "HELLA" at least 50 times in one conversation. Depends on the conversation. Could be more. Could be less.


"...IT'S OFFICIAL LIKE A REFEREE'S WHISTLE...I'M SO BAY WIT IT!!"

Just be happy that I couldn't find my favorite Too $hort song, "Invasion of the Flat Booty Bitches."

The tunes continue

So there's more family drama about which I could write but I need to start moving on. All I'll say is that my stepmother is back in the hospital.* She had a seizure Monday around lunchtime. I got the call while I was at work. And that was when I officially reached the point when I had nothing left in me. To say that I'm burnt would be an understatement. I looked in the mirror a few hours ago to be greeted by ugly dark circles under my eyes. And for some reason the people I see in everyday life, like at work, keep trying to make me smile. Most of the time I want to slap them.

When I get home, I spend a lot of time watching shows taped on the DVR (Reality TV is my friend.) and listening to music. Tonight -- yes, I know that it is technically morning -- I hit YouTube to listen to Two Chinese Boys. Well, more to watch them since they just do a lip sync. And through the related videos, I came across these gems.





Oh, and speaking of music, please do visit my previous post. I like to think that there are still some "easy" ones out there.

* And just when I was getting back to a normal sleep pattern, I have once more returned to my sleepless nights.

Trying to stay sane

I guess I should start off with the icky stuff because that's the kind of person I am. Give me the bad news first. My dad met with the oncologist yesterday. Surgery is not an option. She also does not think that they will be able to treat the new lesions. But there is a chance that they can -- more gamma knife. She suggested rehab -- to deal with the speech and walking problems -- and hospice care. Needless to say, my dad is freaked out. Thankfully I clicked over to his call from talking to Mommy Zombie and she had explained to me that hospice does not necessarily mean terminal. So I was able to share that with my dad. It helped a lot. Thank you so much.

I also did a great deal of insisting. I have two weeks of vacation and have not put in for any time as of yet this year. Yesterday when I arrived at work, I promptly went in to see my boss to explain what was going on and how I would probably need some time off in the future. Then the plan developed. I could work a half day on Friday and then head to Sacramento. So last night I told my dad, "I have time available. Would it help you if I came up Friday afternoon?" He said that it would. So now I just have to let them know at work today.

And now to the other stuff. After crying and napping on Monday, I realized that there wasn't much cooked food around here. And Poulet was closed for the holiday. So I headed out for the nearby grocery store (Berkeley Bowl was also closed for the holiday.) -- the major chain, not the expensive local one. Although I should have stopped at the local one because I need more wet food for the other residents here. After VD, I found that I was totally addicted to the sauce for the mussel appetizer. I found myself thinking, "Who needs the mussels? I just want more of that sauce." And then I thought that if I tweaked it some, it would be perfectly fine on chicken. Of course, next time I probably shouldn't cook the chicken so long as it was almost falling apart when I removed it from the pan.


The end result.

Both winter and being in a down mood can bring out the fatty food cravings. Thankfully I am genetically predisposed toward thinness. Because the foods that call to me? So not good. Oh, and I even have a recipe this time.

Saffron Cream Sauce

1/2 cup creme fraiche
4 egg yolks
2 tablespoons butter
2 large shallots, chopped
1 cup brown mushrooms, quartered
2 tablespoons brandy
Juice of 1/2 lemon
1 generous pinch of saffron
White wine from braised chicken (The chicken was braised in about 1-1/2 cups of white wine. This would be the liquid that was left.)

Whip creme fraiche and egg yolks in a bowl.

Melt butter in a skillet over medium heat and saute shallots and onions for approximately 3 minutes. Turn off heat and add brandy. Ignite and let flames burn down.

Whisk lemon and saffron into mixture in skillet. Add white wine "stock." Let simmer for 3-5 minutes.

Slowly add some of the shallot mixture to the creme fraiche mixture and whisk. Pour this mixture back into the skillet and whisk. Cook for an additional 3 minutes.

And because I'm all about comfort foods at this point, of course I had to pick up dessert on Monday.


Nothing says happiness like Pepperidge Farm cookies with Ben & Jerry ice cream.

And just when you thought that the feel good stuff was over, I bring you this. Thanks to the lovely folks at SFist, I discovered this little gem. It might just take the place of Pearl as my fave video.

Split post

Kind of like that pea soup. I never said that I'm a comedian so stop groaning.

So I haven't worked up the nerve to post the stuff that I am sure will infuriate some of y'all. It's my internal censor at work. The one that says, "Are you sure it was not a hormonal surge that made you say that stuff?" And I say, "No, it was not hormones -- really. These are thoughts that are bouncing around in my head but it only seems that under the influence of certain hormones -- or alcohol -- that I feel brave enough to step out on a limb and say the stuff that really matters to me." And then I start wishing that I was a stand-up comic. Because those folks? They have the ability to say whatever they think without really caring about the fallout. Maybe that's why I love them so much. To the point that most of my list of "future husbands" are comics. But then I woke up from that dream.

And that post still haunts me so I know that it will probably turn up here one day. In the meantime, I'm going to snip a bit of it away. One of my favorite stand-up bits.



Enjoy. And maybe this will give you a clue to the rest of that post. Oh, and yes, I was always the kid who pulled back the band-aid slowly. Don't know why.

From dad

If you've been paying attention around here, I talk to my dad nearly every day. This is phone calls. That does not include the emails that I receive from him -- mostly jokes. And so this afternoon, I received a link to this gem from him. I knew I had to share it because, heck, I'm still wiping tears from my eyes.

glumbert - Chris Rock's 2008 Election Analysis

So while you enjoy this, I'm going to head over to Buzzgirl's to get a little more Pearl in my life.

Shall we play a game?

No, not that one. This one you could say was in some part inspired by my BFF, Jade. Back when we were in college, Jade would call our group of friends "The Ho Patrol" whenever we were heading out. Her motto was, "It's OK to look like a ho. Just don't look like a tacky ho." Thus there was a great deal of lycra in my wardrobe back then. And really short stuff.

Then I started working at my first real job in the 90s. Not as much lycra in the wardrobe but still plenty of really short stuff. I used to party with the receptionist. I partied at least four nights a week back then. One of her favorite songs was "Connected." She swore that if she was a stripper, that would so be her song.

As a result of her comment, I now often find myself thinking, "Is that a stripper song or not?" I think that my song would be "Fly on the Windscreen." (Yes, I know it's kind of morbid but it has a hip shaking kind of beat.) Or perhaps "Wherever I May Roam." Or if you're in the crawling across the floor mood, there's "No. 1 Crush." There are other songs as well but they often seem like such the obvious choice.

So now we have the game. What would be your stripper song?

And yeah, this is what happens when you awake at 7:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning and are procrastinating about all the chores and errands you could be doing? There was no vicodin involved. Just lots of caffeine. And there was also the fact that I was subjected to that video twice in a three hour span.

I'm just impressed that I was able to type this all with a cat sitting on lap between me and the keyboard. Thank you, Boris.

A step backward?

I realized this past weekend that I really have not been going out much this summer. Well, except to eat. I think that part of the reason why I hadn't tried out some of the restaurants in my neighborhood was because most of my entertainment funds were going to my bar tab. And the strange thing is that I haven't really missed it much.

Then came Sunday. Grasshopper found out last week that she needs to move and wanted to use my computer. She just moved about a month and a half ago. Somehow her new roommates had failed to mention their problems with the landlord and now they have received an eviction notice.

So Grasshopper came over Sunday afternoon armed with wine. After she looked at apartment listings, we proceeded to drink. And to dance around the living room to 80s tunes. And to watch a couple of episodes of Hex. We also polished off most of the party leftovers that were still in the freezer. And it was fun. Kind of like the old days.

But the best part? This little gem.



And now that I have rehydrated and rested, I guess it's time to get back to the job search.

My hood

I know I normally post quizzes on Saturdays but then I came across this wonderful little video about my neighborhood on TurnHere.



Enjoy while I try to figure out what I will be eating today.