Monday, October 9, 2006


So I still haven't heard from the Drummer. Nor did I make it out for Fleet Week

So late night Saturday, because I was wide awake after sleeping away most of the day, I read some short stories and watched a couple of movies. By Sunday I was starting to feel somewhat human again. Then I read my email. I received an email from a parent -- who also copied the principal -- about why she wants her child moved from my class. There is a part of me that has always questioned the decision to leave the class together given the problems they had last year. Luckily the principal has made an observation of the room during this past week and said that she felt that things have improved since the beginning of the year.

I called up my coworker and she assured me it had nothing to do with me. That I am doing a great job. She also pointed out that I had a lot of support and that I was dealing better with the situation than a lot of other people would. I was almost feeling ready to head out and to face the world after that chat. Funny how a little ego-stroking can go a long way with a Cancer.

By Sunday I realized something else. As I was washing dishes, Natasha rolled across my foot, signaling that she wanted to play. Boris quickly joined in. The cats have been ignoring me lately. My job is to provide food and to clean the litterboxes. Nothing else. It wasn't always this way. B&N and I would play and at night, they would sleep near me -- like this weekend. Then I started thinking. When was the last time that I had not gone out during the weekend? I couldn't remember. The cats hadn't been spending time with me when I was around because I was rarely around. I also started thinking that my body was conspiring against me. The blues I suffered from over the weekend? Just my body's way of telling me to slow down some. The fact that I slept most of Saturday away was disturbing. Last week I was telling a coworker that I usually only sleep more than six hours a night when I am sick or exhausted. I know I'm not sick so I must have been exhausted -- mentally. I am also thinking of scheduling a "mental health" day for myself sometime in the coming weeks because I'm not sure if I can make it to Veteran's Day otherwise. The weekends just aren't long enough -- especially if you spend half the time partying. And given that my job is starting to stress me out now.

Maybe I really am a grown-up after all. Because in the past I would have just kept on going on what in the end could be a truly self-destructive path.

Side note -- I started writing this post on Sunday. I mentioned to BWB recently that I tend to write posts at least a day ahead of time. That way I can add or delete information as I feel is necessary. This time I deleted. Maybe I will end up inserting the info in a later post. At this point, I probably won't though. Sometimes just the act of writing it down makes me feel better. It doesn't matter that no one will ever see the words.

If you don't already do this, I'd highly advise it. Especially if you are going to write about folks in your life.

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