Why I don't do drugs

I awoke early on Sunday. I had organizing stuff to unpack. And a ton of TV to watch. Guess which won out? Yep, the TV. So there I was curled up with my blanket and pillow. And then Boris decided to use me as a pillow for his nap. Next thing I knew, I had missed the second half of "Chuck." This was after something like five hours of viewing. Don't worry. I finished the show later. But what was really disturbing was remembering the dream that I had while napping. Probably even stranger because I rarely remember dreaming.

Apparently there is a secret room in my apartment. And apparently I knew about the room when I moved in. I have just chosen to ignore it over the last couple of years. But I was hell-bent on getting organized so I opened the door. To discover a room that was at least 12 x 12. It looked a little rundown but not too much. As in, I would never sleep in the room but it looked like a perfectly good place to dump my extra stuff. And then I noticed the window. That turned out to be a sliding glass door. Leading to a covered balcony. And suddenly I had gardening space. I'm sure there's more but then I woke up.

I took it all as a hint and got up and got to work. Yep. All the bags from Bed Bath & Beyond and Target have been unpacked. And at least a couple of items from Bed Bath & Beyond will be going back tomorrow. Seems they didn't fit my kitchen cabinet. But the shelves that I picked up did and now I can once more find various cookware with ease. And I knew that 20 plastic shoeboxes would probably be just a start. It seems I need at least ten more. And there's more shopping to be done next weekend after I get my next paycheck.

Why all the insanity? It wasn't just the organization of my desk at work. It's also been seeing my neighbors' apartments. Seeing their apartments over the last couple of weeks has made me realize that I would have to do a lot of straightening up before I feel comfortable in inviting them into my apartment. And then there was the realization that I have lived here longer than any other place with the exception of my mother's house. And that my nomadic tendencies appear to have disappeared. Well, I still want to travel but now I get to return to a place that I truly consider to be home. After I finish organizing, I'll probably be looking at furniture next. I think it's really time to start putting down roots. Furniture that can travel in the back of my car just doesn't seem to say this.

Feeling a little blue

Every now and then I get into these moods. Some would say it's very Cancerian of me. I don't know what it is. It's just something that happens every now and then. Of course, it usually occurs the day after I have gone out. Sometimes not, but usually.

What happens when I go out is that I see all these couples. It seems the world is full of them. And then I am reminded that I am not part of one. It's just me and the cats. Then I think that perhaps my joke is becoming the truth -- that I am destined to be one of those crazy old ladies with a bunch of cats.

Up until age 30 or so, I had a plan. I would finish school, get married, and have three kids. Yes, I had planned on the number of kids. The key to this all was that the marriage needed to be near age 30 because I didn't want to be too old when I started having the three kids. And no, having one was not an option. I am an only child and know what it's like. I don't think that I've ever met an only child who intentionally planned on only having one child. So the marriage never happened. And kids? Well I've always believed that you need to be in a committed relationship before you start having kids. I think that's one of those quirks of having divorced parents.

Over the years, I have learned to let go of the plan. It's much easier to do that. If I didn't, then I'd start blaming myself because it is so obviously a demonstration of my failure that I did not meet those goals. And then I cry. Because I start thinking that I have screwed up my life beyond repair. This is how I spent most of Sunday.

So today I packed up some stuff and headed to school. Hey, my social life may seemed screwed up but I do have my dream job. I also started thinking about other things I could do with my time. Like maybe start hanging out in places where the people a little more like me -- a little older but with their stuff together. Because other than the lapses in my social life, I like to think that I am pretty together. And tonight I'm off to do something that I haven't done in a long time but absolutely love. I am off to watch a baseball game with one of my new coworkers. Because maybe this is a new start.