Spring must be approaching because I am seeing a lot more discussion about dating than I have in some time. I decided that I wanted to put in my two cents about a week ago.
I spent my early 20s making up for lost time. I was the girl who didn't get dates in high school. Then I got to college and everything changed. It continued this way through my early 20s and I thought that it would never end.
As I neared 30, I suddenly panicked. Wasn't I supposed to be getting married and having kids? Looking back, it seems the more I worried about it the less likely this was going to happen. I had become very bitter as I entered my 30s. Men were all jerks. This was evidenced by the few guys who asked me out. (OK. They were also jerks because suddenly the guys who used to ask me out were looking for someone five to ten years younger.) Finally my great friend, Shrew, pulled me aside and pointed something out. These guys did indeed have one thing in common -- me.
I lost faith in my ability to make sound decisions when it came to dating. So I just stopped. For about two to three years. I would still go out. I just didn't date. I had read through the self-help books in my early 20s and had decided these just weren't enough. Don't get me wrong. These books are a great starting place but they don't always force you to really examine yourself. That's why I would occasionally make an appointment with a therapist. When left to my own devices, I am not truly willing to fully explore certain areas of my life. I have found that a good therapist forces you to go to those places because without going there you will never have a full picture.
I reached my late 30s and was the happiest I have ever been in my life. I was happy before. I just wasn't happy with being alone. During the dating hiatus, I reveled in doing things alone -- going to clubs, going to movies, going to dinner. It was great learning that I could do these things and survive. Shrew and I often have conversations about this. We like doing things alone but also think that it is nice to have someone else around to share these experiences. We also agree that sometimes it is better to do these things alone than to have the wrong person along for the ride. We talk about that turning point when you stop caring so much what other people think.
A strange thing happened along the way. Suddenly the men were crawling out of the woodwork. I read years ago that Walter Matthau once said that women were sexiest when they dress for themselves. I have used this as part of the formula. When I head out, I put on what I feel the most comfortable in that day. Sometimes that means putting on a skirt, heels, and makeup. Other times it means throwing on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and no makeup. The results always seem to be the same. I guess because it's all about the person inside. It's that attitude of "You can talk to me if you want to but if you don't I'm still perfectly happy because my reason for being here is not about finding 'the guy.' Instead it's all about getting out and just experiencing life."
As the fortieth birthday keeps drawing closer, I am looking forward to the continuation of this whole dating thing.
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