Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Falling without a net

First things first. I learned that most folks only read the first couple of paragraphs in a blog post. Shame on you, If I actually read a post, I read the entire post as well as the comments to date for that post. So I you can find the energy to post a comment, then cool. Otherwise not like we really noticed. I think I may be about to make a huge plunge.

It seems that my old position is now vacant -- the one with the tutoring folks. The place is under new ownership and the pay has increased dramatically. But there are so many questions to answer.

My old job -- this would be the one I left at the end of last January -- is very stable. Stable is a good thing. I like not worrying from year to year if I will still have a job. Most of the old staff is there and they loved me. I called the place this evening on my way home and spoke to one of the staff members. He asked if I was seriously considering coming back. I told him that I had already submitted the resume. He's moving mine to the top of the stack. When I left there, it was very hard as I had grown to love most of the people who worked there. And I know I still keep in regular contact with a few of them even now. Since it's all new (upper) management, I am pretty sure that I have not burned any bridges along the way. And did I mention the pay increase? I'd be in a much more secure place financially if I go back there.

My mother would love for me to stay with the public schools as she thinks that I am happiest when I work in a school. But I'm about to turn 41 and I'd like a little stability in my life. And public schools? Not as much stability. Although you do get the ten weeks off in summer. But the other place is offering enough money, in my mind, to make up for that difference. And it would be great to be financially secure -- my biggest worry. Because, hey, I'm a Cancer and we worry about stuff like that. And then there's the money thing. When folks pay $50 per hour, one almost never has behavior problems. I know that it's entertaining when some kid asks me if I'm a virgin but to not have to deal with these kind of questions? Priceless.

So my application has been pushed to the top. And I know that once I walk into the door that I will win them over. Because the hardest thing for me has always been getting in the door. Let me in and I will shine. This probably also has something to do with the fact that I have had a hard time pimping myself out. C'mon. Let's get real. (Oh, and by the way, I had a long conversation today with the kids about the apostrophe in "let's.") Where was I? Oh yeah. The pimping thing. It's hard for someone who is usually self-deprecating to be positive. But I can't be this way in light of my old job. Not even the current one. I kicked butt at the current job (totally in a figurative way) even if the powers that be are not willing to acknowledge it.

So regardless of my mother's recommendations, I am leaning toward accepting my old job if it is offered to me. Because I have finally accepted in my mind that there is only one person to whom I must take care -- me. Because who else is going to do that?

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