Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Oh hell to the no

Usually the "voice" I use here is my everyday one. But today deserves that special one -- the one I most often use in conversations with my aunt in Savannah. Because she's down home and likes to keep things real. So here goes.

A bitch was at work tonight until almost 6:00. But that's OK. Especially seeing as how I was an hour and a half late yesterday. (Yes, I called once my ass woke up. Oh, and after some tears when my boss was talking about my being late once more, I was told that if I was so stressed that I should take the time that I need for counseling. So I called Thrive and have an appointment for next week. So y'all stop frettin' and stuff. But I still don't have much of an appetite and last night I slept about four hours. So yeah, a bitch is probably depressed. Go figure.) And I don't really mind staying late anyway. I function better later in the day than I do in the morning. And traffic was good.

So a bitch headed on home and after finally finding parking, walked into her building around 6:30 or so. With dreams of cooking up the artichokes that were bought on Sunday. Only to see that shit pictured above on her door.

Now a bitch ain't trifflin' and always pays her utility bills so a bitch just knew that wasn't some kind of shut off notice. Turns out it was a notice letting a bitch know the folks had been by during the day to do a routine gas meter change out. And since a bitch wasn't home at the time, they left the service off.

And that was the point at which a bitch yelled, "OH HELL NO! I know those mutha fuckas coming out here tonight to turn the shit back on."

And so a bitch called up the damned utility company to be greeted by automated hell. And the automated voice said that the first available appointment was on the 19th. Say what? That's when a bitch hit zero to get a real person. Just to be told that the wait time was 12 to 20 minutes. So a bitch left her number so that they could call her back. Because if a bitch had actually had to sit on hold all that time? Let me tell y'all. It would not have been pretty.

What to do while waiting for the return call. Why you return your daddy's call. You know. That guy who spent most of your life working for that hideous company. First off, he informed a bitch that this is a standard thing the utility folks do -- change your meter when you're not home. And they don't give you any warning about it either. When he heard about the 19th, he agreed that was perfectly ridiculous and said he would make some calls.

Finally the utility folks called back. A bitch explained the situation -- calmly and without use of profanity -- and was told that they'd send someone out tonight. So a bitch called her daddy back to let him know where things stood. And I'll be damned if he was not sitting down, enjoying his dinner. Fool hadn't even made a single phone call. And it's because of stuff like this -- empty promises and all -- that a bitch has learned to handle shit on her own.

All a bitch has to say is that those fools better show up tonight. Or else...

Update: Shortly after posting this, my phone rang. It was the service guy! Woohoo!!!

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