In limbo

You ever have those kind of days in which you feel like you don't know if you should be laughing or crying? Yesterday was one of those for me.

I was supposed to start my new job on Monday. Instead I have been dealing with the dreaded people in HR. On Monday they told me that they had indeed received my paperwork but it was still being processed. I mentioned the possibility that I would need to be re-fingerprinted. They confirmed this. I could not be fingerprinted until they reviewed my paperwork. I left with the assurance that someone would contact me within 24 hours.

I went back to HR today because I had not heard from anyone since that conversation on Monday. The guy I spoke to on Monday asked, "Didn't anyone contact you on Monday?" I calmly stated, "No. That's why I'm here today." He then pulled me aside and explained that I was not eligible for rehire in the district. I asked if that was the case, then why did they send my application to another principal. Why? Because they don't bother with pulling files when they receive applications.

I was not really surprised. My last year working for the district, I worked for this awful man. I have learned a great deal about him upon leaving. He laid me off with a probationary release. This is what supposedly makes me ineligible for hire in the district. Never mind that the year before I worked at the best middle school in the district and had glowing reviews. Never mind that in my first year I taught the daughter of the then school board president who told me that I was a wonderful addition to the profession after she observed my class one day. Never mind that the summer before taking this job, I finished my work on my credential at an elementary school with a highly respected principal. (She thinks I walk on water by the way. She also thinks I could use some fattening up.) No, all that matters is that the last jerk of a principal for whom I worked didn't like me.

What I have learned since leaving there is that he has a thing against black women. (He is black too by the way.) If a black woman at the school is not sleeping with him or one of his buddies, then she's out of there.

When I shared the news with my family earlier today, they thought that I was crushed. I was -- for about a couple of minutes. Then I became ... I don't know what I became. It just wasn't crushed. All I knew was that being crushed is what this awful man would expect. I refuse to give him that satisfaction.

My family has been surprised with my resilience under the circumstances. By the time I left HR and got in my car, I was working through all of my options in my mind. One of them involves doing something I swore I would never do -- going into my 401(k)/403(b). My dad asked about me going back to fulltime at the job I left for this one. (I am still there on a parttime basis.) The thing is that I have seen what is possible and that job wasn't it. I just need the luxury of a little more time.

I called the teacher I was supposed to replace and left a message on her cellphone. She called me back on my way to the tutoring center. It seems that the principal believes in me and is going to the next level of HR to fight the decision. There's still a chance. OK. So the chance is slim but there's still a chance. It also made me feel optimistic in knowing that there are people out there who are willing to fight for me.

In the meantime, I am going to continue to explore all of my options, take care of the household chores that I neglected because I worked so many hours at my last job, and to maybe finish up some of those craft projects I started long ago. Oh yeah. And I will continue to hang out with boys who think I'm wonderful. (I call them "boys" since most of the last guys who I have met are in the 24-30 age range. My fave was the poor little 25-year-old who thought that I was younger than he is.) Oh. And I guess I should continue planning my birthday party. It's in June and I will be 40.

(Sorry for the long post. Just felt that I should get some things off of my chest.)