Monday, February 26, 2007

I'm dyin'

Not literally. Just figuratively. Because there's something that I want to say but I've decided to run this little experiment instead. More in coming months.

I spent the weekend in denial that I had to return to work today. I thought about tempting fate by heading out on Sunday. But it was raining and there was the whole presentable to public thing. This is not to say that I was not tempted to head out on Saturday night especially since this is one of the nights that my fave bartender works (Dan saw him. And I have realized yet another reason why I can never hook up with the bartender -- he knows my game. Because he's a true player. And game recognizes game.), but then I was hit with the prospect of making myself look my usual fabulous self. I know this look seems thrown together. In reality it takes at least an hour to achieve that perfect "just thrown together" look. The look that says, "I'm not wearing any makeup," even though I'm wearing quite a bit. Well, only if you think blending three to four shades of eyeshadow with eyeliner smudged just so is work. One of those things I learned in the days that I seriously thought about modeling. And I relish the fact that I'm not that far from that body. I mean, I can still get into a size 2. Of course, the 1's in my closet are feeling lonely.

By the way, this is one of the things that freaks out my students. That I can put on their jackets. The only problem is that the sleeves are too short. I explained to them that I can wear a children's large in t-shirts. Then again, if I gave up the nightly wine, I could probably be back to that size. Or maybe I haven't been drinking enough wine. Because then I could just puke up my stomach contents. Oops. Did I forget to mention that years ago I technically had an eating disorder? Because I am so obviously fat. Probably why I try to make such an effort to eat so well -- and extravagantly.

So it's back to work today. And I realize that there are some things that I must clarify. When I say that I love my job, I'm not being sarcastic. And when I gripe about going to workshops and conferences, it's only because of the lack of time for me. I voluntarily sign up for this stuff. Because I usually learn a lot. And there's usually free stuff. If you are not a teacher or do not know one, believe me when I say that we really love getting free stuff.

So it's back to the kids. And I've just realized that I barely touched the candy that they gave me for Valentine's Day. Because I'm so mean. Luckily I know that "mean" means "setting boundaries."

I'm just kind of bummed that I don't have another break from work until April. Not that I don't love the kids. It's just that they're challenging at times and I end up feeling a little drained. But I wouldn't trade this for anything in the world. Well, except a trust fund.

And in a couple of months or so, I'll tell you about the experiment. No matter what the results are. And no, there is nothing you can do to reveal the whole plan before then. Really.

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