This is a fave phrase of my cousin in the DC area. You'll say something to him because you could have sworn that he just said something to you. He'll nod his head and say, "Ummm. No. That was your inner monologue."
So I thought of this all because this is how I maintained my sanity in Mexico. Well, I mostly maintained it. I spent days telling myself stories about La Princesa -- who knew that one day she would be Empress of the Universe -- and the evil Reina -- who many years ago was known as La Puta.
In the tale the La Princesa traveled to Mexico to visit La Reina because La Reina had commanded it. One thing La Princesa knew about La Reina is that she is one of the most self-centered women on this planet. In fact, in La Reina's mind she was like the Sun; the rest of us orbit around her as she wills. But La Princesa had been to see these great magicians over the years, known as therapists, and while La Reina demanded that all dance to her song, La Princesa did not let it bother her -- as much -- anymore.
Before going to the resort, they had to stop at the prison. This place is otherwise known as La Reina's home. Not only did one need keys to enter but to exit as well. La Princesa thought, "What have I gotten myself into? I will be trapped in this place at this woman's beck and call. And what about when I need a nicotine fix? Because La Reina does not allow nicotine in her home."
Luckily La Princesa quickly learned where the spare keys were hidden that would allow her to escape to her smoking lounge.
Then it was off to the resort so that they could get ready for dinner with La Reina's friend. You know. The one who owns a winery in Sonoma. There were cocktails with dinner and wonderful conversation. At least, this is what La Princesa would like to think but things were kind of hazy for her. She had been up since 3:30 a.m. and was fighting a sinus infection as well as hemorrhaging. This never makes for a pleasant combination. This would also be why La Princesa did not think of taking pictures at dinner with her snazzy new camera in this most wondrous of places -- The Fajita Republic. (You ask why this name is mentioned? Perhaps because we will return to this lovely place latter in our tale.)
The next day, La Reina proclaimed that they should go to the beach. Never mind that it was overcast. But before heading to the beach, they saw the magnificent creatures contained at the resort. And during this time, La Princesa thought of Daniel.
La Princesa left La Reina on the beach while she retired to the balcony to continue reading her books -- Echo Park and The Kite Runner. Because this was what La Princesa thought was a perfect vacation -- reading and napping. When La Reina returned, La Princesa refused to go out. This may have had something to do with the pain behind her eyes caused by the sinuses that contained way too much fluid.
The next day they had to leave the resort. La Princesa's stay there had been cheated by the evil airline. It is hard to say which is more evil -- the airline or La Reina.
Upon returning to the prison, La Princesa once more refused to go out. There was still that throbbing pain behind her eyes. La Princesa bemoaned her fate. What could be worse than to have a sinus infection than to have one in a dust-filled city? She prayed for the mercy of the powers that be.
In the prison, she discovered the joy of cable TV. There was TNT and even better -- there was E!. La Princesa learned about the feud between Rosie and the Donald. She learned of the improprieties of Miss USA, Miss Teen USA, and Miss Nevada. She saw the blurred photo of Brit Brit, once more, that had helped to name "junk" as the number one thing on the 2006 edition of "Best Week Ever" on VH1 the previous week. While watching the various shows, she found herself muttering things like, "Besa mi culo," and "Te chinga," everytime La Reina bellowed her name.
And then La Princesa discovered something else -- her knitting project that she had set aside when the school year started. La Princesa was thrilled that TSA now did not think of knitting needles as a threat. She spent endless hours knitting so that she could get the back of the cardigan off of the #2 needles she desperately needed to start the dress for her cousin's little girl. Her hands continue to fly even though she was wracked with pain. She would make progress. Despite La Reina's attempts to interfere with her efforts and to ruin La Princesa's first "vacation" in two years.
Another consolation for poor little La Princesa was that it would all be hers one day. There is this funny thing in property transactions in Mexico. When one acquires new property, one must name a beneficiary for said property. And La Princesa knew that she was the beneficiary of the prison.
To be continued...