Tuesday, August 28, 2007

The roller coaster

Last night's post was brought to you by a lovely combo of hormones and red wine. And a generally crappy mood. When my mother called last night, a little voice tried to tell me to not answer the call. Because I knew if I did, it would not be pretty.

It's been years since I've been to therapy. And yeah, I could probably stand another year or so. My mother could use a lot of years since she's never really done the therapy thing.

Last night's blow-up started because I called my mother to tell her about the surgery. She thought that I should move back in with her at this point. I lived in my mom's house for years, once she retired and moved to Mexico. Summers were the most stressful time of the year for me because she always returns then.

Three years ago things became rather heated between us. My dad gave me tickets to see Prince in concert. I chose to take Emerald instead of my mother. The next day she unplugged the garage door opener after I left. A week later on a day off from work, I was sitting around doing something on the computer. It was late afternoon. She started screaming at me that adults do not sit around in their PJ's all day long. Then she said something about not liking my attitude and that she had been trying not to say anything about it. I think my response was along the lines of "Puh-leeze." The next thing I know she's screaming at me and waving her fist in my face. I stood up to put some distance between us. She began to shove me across the room. At that point, I knew that I had to move. And I would do everything in my power to never move back there.

So her suggestion of my moving back there? Pushed a lot of buttons. And so we went through a number of past emotions. Like my feeling that she doesn't really listen to me and only hears what she wants to. And that as a result, she had no clue who I really am.

Today has been exhausting but overall it felt pretty good getting all of that stuff out.

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