Thursday, August 30, 2007

What now?

I had thought that this post would originally have been titled "A Visit to the Land of Denial" but events worked out differently.

Yesterday I headed up to Sacramento to visit with my dad and stepmother. Originally my dad and I had planned on catching K.C. and the Sunshine Band but agreed that given the events of this week that perhaps we weren't really up to it. Well, I know I wasn't. So instead we walked around the State Fair a bit and then headed home.

There was dinner and then TV viewing with my stepmother. Once my stepmother learned that I would be staying overnight, she asked if I wanted to join her for a manicure. I haven't polished my fingernails in years but did say that I could probably use a pedicure. This was my first pedicure ever. And I might just be hooked.

And as I pointed out to my stepmother, you may as well go all out. Notice the design on the big toe.

Oh, and did I mention the massage chair? Well, there was a massage chair involved.

My dad was thankful that I was there because otherwise my stepmother would have driven herself there. I had my doubts about her driving abilities and insisted upon driving. When we stopped at the ATM and I had to help her because she couldn't read the text on the screen, we both agreed that it was for the best that I drove.

After chilling at the house for a bit, I headed over to my father's office. This was the important part because I was a little short on next month's rent and would need funds from Bank of Dad.

Then it was time for the discussion. What first? That perhaps it was time to swallow my pride and to move back to my mother's house. He pointed out that she will soon be returning to Mexico. Ummm, that would be sometime in October. A lot of stuff can happen in that amount of time. I told him that it was not a matter of pride but of my own mental health. I explained the events that led me to move to my current apartment.

He and other people to whom I have spoken keep saying that I only have one mother and it is important to maintain a relationship with her. During my years of therapy, this topic did come up. The therapist stated that I should only maintain a relationship with her as long as it is relatively healthy for me.

My dad also gave me the "You're much more intelligent than she is and should therefore be the bigger person" speech. Sorry. Been doing that for years and right now I'm kind of burnt.

Then there was the whole job situation. He said that I needed to start being realistic. He also shared some other stuff that I'm hurting over right now but just do not want to share here at this time. All I will say is that has to do with some untrue perceptions of me. And the fact that there may be some out there sharing these perceptions that could make it difficult for me to find other work.

I explained to him the whole thing about the old job. That I was being told one thing and that was why I had not given up hope on that front. And that if I had known the full facts of what was going on there, I would have taken a completely different approach to the situation. But one can only make decisions based upon the information to which one has access.

On a happier note, while I was driving back to the Bay Area today, I received a phone call. I have a phone interview tomorrow for one of the other positions for which I applied during this past week. And the dream job? Haven't heard from them but I left a message today. Live and learn.

Bottom line is I don't know what's next in life. I can't put into words but I'll know it when I see it. Until then, I'm just living day-to-day. And this weekend? Hanging with Dumb and Dumber once more.

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